Busy

I've been thinking a lot about the word "busy" lately. I guess I think about it because I really am busy...busier than I've ever been in my life. Well, at least it feels that way some days. The word "busy" gets thrown around too much, even by me. We use that word for more than its' actual meaning; often the word busy is used to create a barrier to keep others at a distance, usually selectively. It is a way for us to control how much or how little we let others into our lives. I can speak to this because I am guilty of doing just that.

Sometimes people are genuinely very busy. I can speak to that as well. And sometimes we think that our busy is more important than someone else's busy. Two weeks ago when I was finishing the writing of chapter 5 of my dissertation (I was very busy), two other people thought their broken computer problems were more important than my busy. Of course, I felt differently. However, I did stop the writing process to help one of the people that had called for my help...that was my sister. I stopped to order her a new computer because I knew that without it she would be too isolated. The outcome of that day is another story for another time...when I am less busy perhaps.

So back to the story at hand. Followers of this blog are probably aware that I have been writing my dissertation, or that I have been in the process of working towards a PhD for about four and a half years. This while maintaining a full-time job, doing additional research (and presenting it at conferences), and working on a major project (additional work at the job). I think that qualifies me as officially busy, especially when I got to the proposal portion of the dissertation (I had no idea about the level of busy I was getting into!).

At certain points during that past year I have been so overwhelmed with busy, sometimes to the point that all I wanted to do was run away and hide from everything. I didn't do that but I did seriously cut back the number of commitments I had. I also used the word "busy" as an excuse to limit my contact with others.

Recently I realized that others (one person in particular) was doing the same thing to me...ouch! Talk about karma! Perhaps that person feels as justified about using "busy" as I have felt. Perhaps there is a lesson for me in there...knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end of "busy". It hurts to be on the receiving end. It hurts because no matter how busy I am, I always find the time or make time for those I want to talk to. It hurts because I know that I use that word to maintain a boundary with those I need/want to keep at more of a distance, and I know in my heart that the same is being done to me.

I don't have any answers and I'm not really looking for any either. I think that maybe now that I've written it out perhaps I will be more judicious with my use of the word "busy".